Disappearing Disabled Business Owners – enough is enough – naming and shaming because businesses are missing out on BIG Profits!

I have rarely used my blog to berate or complain since I believe in sharing solutions and ways to make business better, however it’s been a year of disability unfriendly experiences I don’t want to see anyone else suffer and in my view it is only in raising awareness we can improve – well that and wanting to improve!

I don’t ever want to be known for my Lupus (and the other diseases) I have. To me they’ve made me the resilient, never say never, can do person I am.

A mini back story, get the tissues ready…

I started having random agonising pain at 17 and managed to mostly navigate life with mindful diet and exercise and stress management (It’s why I love teaching teams practical ways to reduce stress because I’ve been learning breathework for over 34 years!

Looking back there were blatant signs it was Lupus, then in 2011 I had a virus and pretty much lost most of the next 2 years to endless hospital appointments and doctors saying “Good news Mrs Holgate the blood tests are clear” as they sat opposite a woman who couldn’t walk, drive, or had any quality of life. I was on morphine and one doctor told me…

“Mrs Holgate until you accept your life is over there’s very little we can do. It’s not likely you will ever work or drive ever again.”

Foolish doctor who didn’t know I was a best selling author on the power of the mind and don’t accept no for an answer!

Thankfully I don’t take no for an answer and fought for answers and eventually got in front of one of the top Lupus specialists who is described as House – you don’t get in front of her unless you are interesting, and apparently I was interesting. Drugs made me iller and gave me awful side effects, so that’s why you are likely to hear me talk about supplements, mindset, stress management and sheer grit as they are the things that make me work and I’ve never ever missed a speaking gig, networking event or training session I’ve been hosting. Ever.

I keep myself well and I’ve not used medication since 2019!

So here I am a successful author, speaker and coach and I don’t walk around with a sign saying “WARNING invisible disabilities” but sometimes I wish I did.

Mostly I can navigate any situation with no adverse effects. However I am allergic to UV lighting so I aim to mitigate that. I can struggle with loud noises so if I’m doing a concert or loud event I know that before and after to be mindful of my needs and if it’s cold I can really struggle with a lot of steps or long walks after a long day.

So 2 days of speaking gigs at the NEC for small business owners, I was not happy to hear that despite choosing the nearest (and most expensive) hotel to the entrance of the venue, I had to walk all the way around to the front, and then all the way to the back (with no help) to the 2 rooms our event was hosted in. When I highlighted this to the staff they had no idea how to accomodate me since I didn’t have a blue badge or a wheelchair, the only two disabilities they knew how to support.

So I struggled and fought. (Another joy – that’s sarcasm – of Lupus is that vibrations can cause pain that won’t dissipate for many hours, so dragging a case across cobbles for instance is definitely something someone with Lupus would aim not to do!) And despite raising awareness to the venue, I received a “this is our policies” standard we aren’t changing email.

Nothing learnt, and having shared on Instagram about my experiences many disabled people came forward and shared how unappreciated or disrespected they too felt at that venue. So they too do their best not to go near the NEC – what a missed opportunity to get a lot of fans right? Read more experiences here.

(May I add I do not like to name and shame, however the experience last week was my final straw, but hey let’s add a few more for you first….)

A few months later I was at the British museum and couldn’t cope with the children on school trips as they were lying all over the floor and the lighting was low to protect the artefacts so I couldn’t easily spot them moving fast and nearly fell over. When my daughter and I discussed this with a very well behaved school party a member of staff had a go at me and said they had as much right to be there as me. (I hadn’t said anything, it was a private conversation this member of staff interrupted.) Indeed the children did have as much right to be there, but more rights than me?

With my disabilities we had to decide to leave and only look at areas no one else wanted to. He didn’t apologise on hearing I was disabled. The lovely school party helped us get out safely which was very sweet. I wrote to the British museum and it was suggested I visit first thing or late at night.

Again a company not appreciating disabilities. I don’t travel on packed trains so with the greatest will in the world, I’d never get to the museum before 10am. They basically made it clear that this was my issue not theirs. And to be honest I’ve given up any hope of looking at the egyptology artefacts there. Thankfully Cambridge has some great artefacts and museums and (staff who do get disabilities!)

Alas I’ve plenty of other examples this year where I’ve raised awareness of disabilities for instance when I went to Homebase to buy a lawnmower as for the first time in my life I find I need to be the chief lawn keeper since my children are at university and I live alone. I explained I didn’t have strength in my hands and easily had severe chest pain (It’s actually caused by inflamed rib cage rather than a heart attack but still scary and makes breathing hard work.) and while they helped me find the lightest electric one and put it in my car for me, they failed to mention it took 2 people to build so there I was in the street straddling a lawnmower like some exotic pole dancer, trying to do 4 screws up and hold the bars in place with my legs! When I raised awareness to this issue and that they should offer a build service. Again it was put back on me that it was my problem. Imagine products that came with an easy build rating. Did you know for instance that many shampoo bottles are very unweak hands friendly?

Or that Nescafe sachets in hotels have stopped me from getting (all be it bad coffee) my first drink of the morning and so I carry mini scissors to get in them. How many knew that many have weak grips and consider that when building something?

However the worse disability unfriendly experience of 2024 by far has to be the O2 Indigo in the O2, on the 23rd October 2024. My daughter and I were seeing a Kpop band we adore and have followed for years. Loona, (Odd Eye Circle and now known as Artms). We’d paid extra for VIP tickets, we had spent months planning outfits, and we were getting to meet the amazing songstresses who have inspired us with their confident, fearless music and attitude. (I love the empowering nature of Kpop – how everyone is welcome as they are!)

For the standard tickets you queue once to get in, guess how many times we queued?

8 times!

No I’m not joking, 8 times. We queued to get in for the VIP experience when we would get to watch soundcheck, only to queue for ages and then get someone bellowing that the entrance was not inside (where they’d seen us queue for hours) but outside, so we all had to run- yes I ran! My daughter loves this band and when my husband was seriously ill she lost so much. I’d do anything for her, and run to get the best seats for her favourite band is on that list.

We were number 12 and 13 in the queue. I asked “Should we stay and queue here?” as we’d had no information regarding our VIP experience. (In Germany they received a visual guide to timings, UK fans, no such luck – really not VIP right?) “No no, they said, just be back here for 4pm.”

My daughter couldn’t settle so we went back to find a huge queue at 3pm outside in the wind and in Kpop outfits let’s just say we weren’t warm! When I asked how it would work since we were at the front with numbers 12 and 13, the same staff told me we had to fight through the queue to get in number order!

I kid you not. Thankfully I am not backwards in coming forward, so did something I’ve never done in my life and worked my way through the queue!

Apologising.

Slapping people in the face with my wings (The lines weren’t wide and wings were part of the outfits!) dealing with disgruntled fans who realised they were 289 and they had to give way to us. A few didn’t want to until security came over and eventually we were in the queue for the third time, only now we are cold….

We didn’t go in at 4pm as promised but when we did we were front row and loved the 20 minutes sound check – priceless!

It was worth it for my daughter’s smiles and interaction with Artms!

And then we went 2 rows back to our seats for the show, unable to leave until after the show.

The show delivered and hyper on adrenaline, amazing lyrics, dance routines and voices that were like angels we were then told to stay in our seats while general admission left. (This was the exciting bit, where we got to meet the band AND Get a photo with them!)

Only that’s not how it worked. We then were told to queue at the back of the room, which we did, then over the tannoy we were told to go to the left if we had the dark green bracelet, only to have a security guard shout incredibly rudely to what were mostly young female adults. I politely pointed out that we were doing as requested and he may wish to check with his team.

By now we’ve not eaten since 1pm it’s 10.30pm, we’ve not had anything to drink and neither have the 300 other VIP’s, one did need medical attention. And still we were being manhandled around the room like the worse disco party game ever!

I got bored of management clearly having no clue how they were going to funnel 300+ people pass 5 band members so gave up and sat down again. My body will meet any demands, but this was getting beyond a joke. A member of staff did go to speak to me about not queuing and I made it clear it wouldn’t go well for them. It’s amazing how well you can speak with just a look isn’t it?

Eventually we were in another queue, this was possibly the 7th or 8th, we had all lost track by now and started filing through doors at the back, to stairs. I was past getting excited, more in agony, worrying how I would navigate the walk back to our accommodation if my Lupus symptoms were not mitigated better.

By now the bands crew are taking a part the stage, there are literally cables hanging down from the ceiling with stage staff shouting “mindout” to VIP’s who have been forced to queue in front of the stage that is being pulled apart.

How’s that for health and safety O2 Indigo?

Does VIP mean less respect, more queuing and risk to life as well as zero respect for anyone with disabilities?

After a long day the last thing this disabled author wants to see are stairs. I asked the staff how many floors there were and they said “not many” and when I asked if I could use the lift they said “No”.

This VIP experiences meant a lot to my daughter so I thought “Mand suck it up, just have a slower day tomorrow and do the stairs” in theory that was a great attitude, however combined with a cold concert room, queing for many hours, no food or drink and now my legs weren’t overly keen on playing ball, but hey I got up those stairs. I pulled myself up with both hands using the guard rail.

After the first set of stairs, I was gutted to spot a second set and a third! By the second set I had 3 security members watching me struggle to get up the stairs who joked “not far now” ha ha hilarious. (That’s sarcasm.)

I was in so much pain by that stage it wasn’t until we were half way down the line up of Kpop stars, did I realise I’d just met ARTMS!

I was gutted, it was over in seconds. So I kept my mouth shut and looked at my daughter, was she happy?

“Now we go around again and get a photo with them” she grinned.

I have to do that again????

I did have to do it again. Back to the now cold concert hall and queued again as only half the VIP’s had the opportunity for a photo – yes anyone with any business skills knows that this is not how you host an event and there are at least 20 better ways to separate ticket holders to not have VIPs treated so badly.

By now I was really struggling and while we all tried to joke, the security crew were at the least rude, and mostly treated us like we were in the way and not VIP’s who had paid more for this disadvantageous poorly organised hell.

When I was in the ground hog day at the base of the stairs looking at the lifts I asked again if I could use the lift and again was told no. This time on the route back to Artms at the top of the stairs I had security guards at intervals either telling me to”Take your time love, you can do this” or “Go faster, there’s a gap in the line, fill it in, go faster!”

It’s the surrealist experience of lack of understanding of disabilities I’ve ever experienced.

This time there were chairs in front of Artms and we were to sit in a line in groups of 10. For those that don’t know Lupus, a flare for me can make one side of my face feel like it’s drooping, it’s like a very bad migraine and you can’t hear properly and I can struggle to see clearly, my chest becomes painful and I can have an erratic heartbeat and struggle to catch my breathe and I can also find my whole body in pain. This was happening, but I did my best resilient “Suck it up Mandie” and managed to get in the chair (I didn’t realise a photo was happening so didn’t think to engage with my daughter or the band member behind us who I didn’t even think to look around to and say Hi to.

Talk about a rushed hellish experience so far removed from VIP I would have more time with time with Artms had I served them bubble tea!

Actually that’s not strictly true, by now I was in so much pain I didn’t know how I’d get out of the chair. So I did what I know works when Lupus is a challenge and I moved to the side and laid across the next chair, to turn myself around. I then would be able to navigate my knees under me and use my arms to lift me out of the chair and I knew my daughter would be ready to help me up (she really is a super star young adult!)

I had security and management yelling at me to move on, you need to go, like I didn’t know that! And thankfully I had 5 incredibly sweet kind faces looking at me -the band! So I did get to see them up close all be it as they saw my embarrassing attempt to get out of a chair.

Should any of that have happened?

Should I have paid a lot more money for that? Will I waste my breath attempting to speak to the O2 as they pass the blame to Artms’s management, security, etc, etc.

Do businesses have an opportunity to shine here?

Alas few events seem to get disabilities and I think for many of us we do our best to ignore our own disabliities so we don’t want to raise other people’s awareness to them.

We feel it should be fair right?

But if we don’t start conversations about this then how can businesses improve?
I don’t claim to get it right on DEI every time, but I am up for learning. As every business owner needs to be. The big thing we can all do as business owners is to help people to understand the value of the purple pound. We feature this in the Trend report that launches on the 21st November learn more here and there are extensive opportunities for the businesses that appreciate this.

Disabled people alter their spending habits, choice of hobbies and events according to their needs. And often miss out as a result, think how loyal we are to brands that hear us and make us feel seen?
I’m also a Disability Confident company and aim to encourage all INsiders (My business growth and networking community) to register too. You don’t have to be perfect, you have to care and want to be better and again isn’t that something all business owners want? You can sign up here. and join my community here – it’s an easy way I can help you, your team and your profits very healthy.

I’ve turned down at least 5 events this year due to a lack of accessible parking or issues that would not work with my disability. A disability I hasten to add that mostly I can control which I appreciate many can’t.

And lastly for balance and to end on a positive note, a massive thank you to Birkett Long who do get it. And after inviting me to an event ensured I could park with ease. Things like that matter, we remember and we talk about it. It tells us we can trust you and that you care. Now that’s a brand every business wants right?

And we can all do that, things that matter.

I will never get back that opportunity to meet Artms and I will never forgive you for that O2 Indigo, please learn, please see and hear your disability guests. We are getting louder and we’ve had enough!